How we approach conflict
By Rev. Andy Fleming, Associate Chaplain
Rev. Katherine and I recently attended the Anglican Diocese of Canberra and Goulburn Clergy Conference, where we heard from Tim Dyer on the theme of Conflict and the Christian Culture. Because human nature participates in the church, it would come as no surprise to anyone that members of the church are confronted by conflict.
It seems to me that conflict is an increasingly prevalent issue we all confront, not only on the international or national stage, but also in our local communities. Conflict tends to result in fear arising from a lack of understanding and ignorance about things people are challenged by because it upsets the ‘norm’.
The increasingly diverse nature of our community has led to challenges of long-held, personal belief systems that are reinforced by traditional ideas of what the societal ‘norm’ is or should be. And so, conflict is present when these norms are perceived to be under threat.
Jesus addresses how conflict can be approached and dealt with in his Sermon on the Plain in Chapter 6 of Luke’s Gospel. Reading Jesus’ teachings here reveals that by choosing an attitude of loving others who hold contrasting points of view, we can work towards resolving conflict well. Chapter 6 also has the famous verse about not noticing our own shortcomings:
"Why do you see the speck in your neighbour’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?" – Luke 6:41
This verse in particular reminds me that understanding our own position and perspectives is such an important part of conflict resolution, especially if we are in the wrong.
One of the more interesting parts of learning about conflict was discovering my so-called ‘conflict animal’. Identifying our own interpersonal conflict styles helps us to understand why we respond to conflict the way we do. When we learn each of the six interpersonal conflict styles and the associated animals, we can take the position of the ‘animal’ we need to be, depending on the appropriate response to the conflict we are involved in. Discovering each clergy member’s animal was as enjoyable as it was insightful.
What is your conflict 'animal'?
- Bull – The use of power to insist on the preferred outcome.
- Camel – Attempting by persuasion to change another’s point of view or way of thinking.
- Koala – Accommodating, placating or supporting.
- Fox – Compromise, negotiate: We all need to be prepared to give a little to find a quick solution.
- Turtle – Avoiding, withdrawing: Leaving the conflicted environment, refusing to engage.
- Owl – Collaborating: Working together for the best possible mutual solution.
You can read more about your interpersonal conflict style on Tim Dyer's website. Without giving too much away, it is safe to say neither Rev. Katherine nor I are ‘bulls’.
In our increasingly polarised society, there will be times when we experience conflict. When we do, we have an opportunity to respond with an attitude that quickly resolves the issues and creates stronger connections with others. I find Apostle Paul’s advice from his letter to Ephesians a helpful starting point:
“... walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” – Ephesians 4:1–3
Go in peace,
Rev. Andy